How do I get me one of those CEO jobs like at Washington Mutual, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac where I get paid millions to run a company into the ground and millions more to leave?

The job of running an American corporation with billions in assets and thousands of employees is reserved for a select few with the necessary experience, expertise, vision and wisdom to handle such a grave responsibility -- or else, for those with the right connections and friends.

Who are these friends who are handing out the company's money like that?

The directors -- the people who are ultimately responsible for overseeing operation of the company and looking out for the interests of shareholders.

Damn fine job they're doing of it. Can't someone stop them? Who voted for those guys, anyway?

You did -- if you're a stockholder.

Me? I'd never vote for people who did foolish things like that. Why didn't we know about it?

You did -- if you read the proxy statement that spells out in numbing detail the compensation package -- salary, bonuses, options, retirement plan, perks -- for people such as now-deposed WaMu CEO Kerry Killinger, as well as what they get if they're fired, they leave or the company gets sold. Not that anyone reads that stuff when the company is doing well -- which, lately, it hasn't been.